Auto;gyne;spolia.

Autogynespolia was a game inspired by Darling Demon Eclipse's post on Faggot games. I was in a really dark place when I started working on it-I was working my shitty security job I hated in the dead of winter, which gave me a lot of time to be alone with my own thoughts, right as my hormones were running out. Originally I envisioned the game as my own fantasies of suicide, of ripping myself apart and exposing my innards to the sky in the hopes that something worthy of my name would somehow be birthed out of my entrails. Then came Melody, and it gave the game something I wasn't capable of adding at the time:

Hope.

I'm publishing this on the Magnolia Keep blog because I have a lot of trans followers, and while I don't know how universal a feeling/fantasy this is, I thought it might help to know you aren't alone. 

That said, Autogynespolia is a game about dysphoria, dysmorphia, self harm, and suicide. Please enjoy responsibly.

Auto;gyne;spolia.

A game about cutting off your nose to fit your space, by Liz Brasell and Melody Verdico

How to play:

There are two players: 

• The Flesh: A trans person who, in the abyss of dysphoria, came up with a plan of self-sacrifice.
• The Fantasy: A vision of a life that could have been, and could still be, made manifest by the Flesh's component parts.

Decide which player is which. Then each player chooses one of their Moves to resolve. The game ends when either player uses a move that does so. 

The Flesh always goes first, for it is their dream.

The Flesh

• Choose a piece of yourself: Skin, Voice, Bones, Memories, Hope. Tell the Fantasy how you have altered it for them, then cross it off. If all pieces are crossed off, the game ends.
• Reassure yourself you are making the right choice. This cannot be done if you have crossed off Bones.
• Recount the moment you decided to begin this project. This cannot be done if you have crossed out Memories.
• Describe a piece of yourself that you hope the Fantasy keeps. This cannot be done if you have crossed out Skin. 
• Express anxiety about what you are doing. This cannot be done if you have crossed off Voice.
• Wake up from the dream. Take back the pieces of yourself from the Fantasy, and the game ends. This cannot be done if you have crossed out Hope. 

The Fantasy

• Recount a happy story of your future. Tell the Flesh why it will never experience that joy.
• Describe something the Flesh has given you, and how it is beautiful.
• Recount an unpleasant memory. It belongs to the Flesh now. 
• Ask the Flesh what it wants you to be. This cannot be chosen if the Flesh has crossed off Hope.
• Choose something the Flesh still possesses. Demean it.
• Decide that you are complete. Walk away, and experience the life you were meant for, leaving the Flesh behind. The game ends.

Finishing the Game

When the game is finished for any reason, do the following:

1. The Flesh describes its current state (what its lost, what remains)
2. The Fantasy describes its current state (what its gained, what it seeks)
3. The Flesh and the Fantasy thank each other for the game.
4. The game ends.